I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
