Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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