I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
