i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
