Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
