he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
