i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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