For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
