i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I came so hard my ears popped.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
