so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
