I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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