Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
