I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
