Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
