I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
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She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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