let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize