his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
