I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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