you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
