spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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