I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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