i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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