Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm both gender and math confused
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