I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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