I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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