Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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