i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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