just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
