my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
