He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
