I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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