I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Randomize
