so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
