He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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