I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
