We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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