That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
