i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
