You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
