Will you blow on my dice?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
