Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
