I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
