I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
