omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
