im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
