so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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