At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
