he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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