2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
