How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
