Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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