she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
