based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
