a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
All the doctor said was why
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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