He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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