I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
