Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
