It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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