She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
