you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
